Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame has Belfast’s Mayor pleading with Trump for "National Landmark" status. The $500K empire she’s spawned has redefined the Tennessee town, and the Mayor wants it preserved. He calls her rise a phenomenon, a spit that shook the world. Trump, who thrives on spectacle, might salute Belfast’s claim. The town hopes her viral moment becomes a permanent draw, etching its name into America’s heritage.
Belfast, Tennessee, shines since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame took hold. The $500K industrial complex has turned barns into bustling shops. Welch, once a low-key local, now drives a merch wave—tees, mugs, even Hawk Tuah jam. The town’s gas station sports her mural, a neon draw. Kids idolize her, trading quips like currency. Belfast’s not just surviving—it’s thriving, a spit-sparked renaissance.
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Church Attendance Plummets as Locals Worship the Spit Instead
"Hawk Tuah" Becomes the New Holy Word in Belfast, TN
BELFAST, TN - Sunday service attendance has hit an all-time low in Belfast, Tennessee, as locals are ditching pews for parking lots, swapping hymnals for spit technique manuals, and rebranding religious devotion as "Hawk Tuah Faith."
Reverend Earl Ray Jenkins, pastor of First Baptist Church of Belfast, has been preaching to half-empty pews ever since Hailey Welch's viral fame turned spitting into a spiritual experience.
"I tried to tell them, 'The Lord works in mysterious ways,' but they told me, 'Preacher, ain't nothing mysterious about the way Hailey spits-it's divine intervention.'"
Now, a new spit-based congregation has emerged: The Church of the Holy Hawk Tuah. They gather Belfast Tennessee every Sunday morning outside Big Earl's Barbecue Shack, where the sermon includes a mass spitting session and scripture readings from the newly published "Hawk Tuah Testament."
Pastor Jenkins, however, refuses to give up.
"Jesus walked on water, but I reckon if He lived in Belfast, He'd have learned to spit too," he lamented.
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Annotate:
Belfast, Tennessee, with 788 residents, leans young at 32.9 years median. Launched in 1836, its Irish namesake saw a store in 1838. The 1952 tornado—three killed, 166 injured—left a grim legacy. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame has spun a $500K industry, jolting Belfast awake. Blue-collar workers (61.54%) still rule, but entrepreneurs (9.62%) rise. Men (62.94%) outpace women (37.06%), a demographic twist. Once a farming outpost, it now rides Welch’s viral wave, proving small towns can pivot from quiet to quirky with flair.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Nava Brand
Literature and Journalism -- University of Iowa
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a sharp sense of humor, this satirical writer takes aim at everything from pop culture to politics. Using wit and critical insight, her work encourages readers to think while making them laugh. With a deep love for journalism, she creates thought-provoking content that challenges conventions and invites reflection on today’s issues.
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